Letters, a symbol and emotion of time


Letters are the symbol of fallen years, which reminds me of a time when all kinda new gen communication medias were absolutely strange to us. I guess only the kids of earlier 90’s like me will have such memories. Today I was watching a movie and there I noticed mentioning the letters. I remember the days when I used to sit with my mom on the verandah awaiting the postman for the letters from my dad. He used to write twice a month from his workplace. When the section of kids comes then my mom will make me sit near and read it aloud for me. That was really a great time. Every letter used to bring some happiness around!

Then I grew up from trousers to pants and started writing my own letters, love letters of course! I wrote for myself and even for my friends. From them I used to take a small fee for that in the form of chocos most the time. I remember 1 incident in higher secondary. Once a friend of mine requested to write a love letter for him. It was a sudden request and so I was not ready with the lines. Then few quotes from last nights TV show came in my mind and I wrote the same as tag line of the letter -“I have dreams, you have dreams; let’s share our dreams”. I blindly believed that no one is gonna find that it is stolen. But the girl was a fan of that show and my friend got nicely ashamed in front of her. Hope you can guess the climax.

Also I remember an another story which happened during high school. It was a vacation time of around 2 months. So one of my friend couldn’t wait that long to have a chat with his bestie. He bought an open card(it costs 1 rupee I believe) and sent it to his friend. He had written so many bad words and his friend’s nick names also in that. He didn’t remember that it was an open card and therefore any one can read it, even the postman. The card was successfully delivered to his parents hands! This climax also I am leaving to your imagination.;)

Last month when I went to hometown me and my mom had to check some old documents from shelf for some bank related purpose. Suddenly few old letters fell down under my feet. I took them and checked, mom said those are the letters which my dad and grandpa sent to her years back. She said she was just keeping them for memories. I smiled and then smelled those letters. They were carrying all the scent of a gone time, it was awesome. I read few of them and kept back to its place.

These days no one is using letters. We have whatsapp, fb, e-mails, lane, we-chat..so and so. Obviously many advantages; I must agree. But still letters are the symbol or an emotion of an old time. Letters taught us the eagerness and happiness of waiting…

A passing cloud of my sky


Just now came back after a second show and lit up a cigar. It seems like a sleepless night, so thought to scribble something. This was there in my mind since few months. The word that she used to mention about her role in my life disturbed me all the time. While hanging on the doorstep of office bus, when I see the figureless fumes of my cigar and when I stare at my computer monitor at office..all the time.

“Passing cloud” – that’s what she mentioned. To my knowledge I am damn sure that she don’t read any books and obviously not fond of literature. So I wondered how she got that prefect word which is so small but meant a lot. It was the childhoodof our friendship, days when we started to speak. One day somehow she figured out what feel I have on her. And she told this, I remember each and every word of it – ‘I can’t be anything in your life, I won’t be a major part of it. What all I am is a passing cloud. A small cloud which comes in a wind and stays in your sky for a bit. And when the wind blew again, I am gone’.

This is what she said. Honestly I would agree that it’s true. Some people are like that, they are not meant to be in our life. Let me bore you a little. Shakespeare said that life is a drama and we all are the actors. And here is my note to it –‘only we got the permanent role, and few got guest roles in it’. The only thing you can do is make people happy. Because our happiness lay on it. Being happy with the life we have is pretty sometimes. Also at times we have to understand that people can’t always show their actual feelings on us. They might have agreeable reasons on that. Then we have to get a little matured, like being with them in the whole life in the role they wish us to be. We have to get to know what their heart speaks. Trust me it helps.

If you are not matured upto it then there is the second resolution. There is an old Facebook message –‘sometimes you have to let people go. If they are meant to be in your life, then they will come back. And if they don’t then pack your bag for a solo journey. You are not too tired to set it up, are you?

#hope i bored 😉

The pursuit of happiness


I wouldn’t have written this, but for some reasons I have to. Its nothing but I helped someone. There is an old saying – ‘the good things you do is to keep in your heart, not to tell people’. But still i am writing this means there is something else. A reason, may be you will get to know when you are done with this post.

I have seen that old lady around even before. At the nearest town she sells vegetable and fruits in front of a super market which run by north Indians. She have her space beside the road. A plastic mat and vegetables and fruits spreaded on it, yeh that’s her business room. I guess she is more than 70 and i wonder even in this age she is trying to live in her own. Making little money for her stomach is admirable for her age. Sometimes I get a thought to offer her few bucks. But I guess it will be an insult to her. Because if she wanted to beg, then she would’ve done that years back. She sleeps in the verandah of a closed shop always, keeping her business assets beside. With an old bed sheet and sack pillow she makes her sleep comfortable. I have seen her life goes in this way from last 5 years. It seems there is no one to take care of, obviously all alone. Previously we used to buy some vegetables from her so that we can help her a little. Later we forgot to.

You know what I am 24 only now, still I am a worst lazy fellow who never want to wake up and go to work. Everyday I wake up late in the morning and somehow go to office cursing everyone in the world. But in age she is triples of me but still working and making for living. That must be respected.

So let me tell you what happened yesterday. It was a normal day for me, woke up got ready and headed to office with my buddy. We had our breakfast at navallur town. Then took a tea and cigar from our regular shop. Later he walked into his office and I crossed the road to catch my bus to office. It was less crowded day. Guess people went to hometown for pongal holidays. There were only few guys and girls at the bus stop, most of them techies. I looked at everyone and stood hands folded.

Then I saw this old lady there. She looked very tired and I think she just got down from the bus. Because there was 2 sacks full of vegetables and fruits near to her. May be she went to some big market early morning to take vegetables for her business. She looked confused and helpless. Then i understood that it’s about the 2 sacks of vegetable. Her selling place is bit far from the bus stop. She cant carry those sacks to there. So she needs help.

And I saw her asking everyone, almost begged. Sadly, no one was willing to help. All techies were busy to reach their office and log on their fucking machines, even me of course. Then she asked few north Indian labors and even they didn’t care. I wanted to help but something stopped me. I was thinking that whether I should do it or not. Also I was confused what others will think about me. I don’t know why the hell I was thinking that way. Also I wished if she come and ask my help, so that I can do it. Bu she didn’t, may be the confusion on my face stopped her asking my hands. The next moment I felt ashamed of myself that I am thinking twice even to do good things! I couldn’t wait anymore. I just walked to her and asked whether she needs any help. Guess it surprised her, I saw a glance of light in her old deepy eyes. She didn’t speak a word but just nodded her head as a yes.

I carried those vegetable sacks to her place and looked at her face. She didn’t say anything, but I read her eyes. I saw many faces staring me. While walking back hurriedly to catch my office bus I was panting and my hands were paining. But I felt some real happiness in my heart. That small incident made my day.

All I wanted to tell is, if you want to do something good then do it. Nothing must stop you and never worry about what others will think. That’s the main reason why most of us leads a normal selfish life, like how the tortoise effaces its body into its shell…


Stories of a retired lieutenant colonel

It was in 2012 I came to Chennai. It was a new world to me, fresh in every sense. I was like a trapped rat which is confused what to do. And Chennai was like a real got girl as she is always. Slowly I started loving this city. It took more than 2 month for me to get a proper living place. This house was 2 km inside from the heart of the city. We can’t call it a proper city but an upgrading one with the money of techies.

So let’s get back to home. This one is at the end of a street and of 3 floors. Ground floor was occupied by a family and we got the top floor which kisses the sky. And the first floor!!! There lived a guy whom we are now going to call Retired lieutenant colonel Mr.Uncle. He was our house owner. You might have seen many retired and aged army men in movies. If so then my task of his narration is half done. Obviously he was totally like every other retired army men. He always wore half trousers and T-shirt (bought from Kashmir or China border may be, he says so). He had a cooling glass which he never remove even at stormy rain or at sleep (our belief). And his moustache!!! Oh god, it was curved up till his nose and covered half of his eyes. If you just see him after breakfast then you can see half of the dosa hanging on the moustache. He gets angry easily but heart full of love. The only problem is stories, of Couse army stories of his service time. If it starts then you will have to wait until the end where you have you to clap and paste a smile on surprise on your face. Else you will have to die shot by his gun which he says given by a Pakistani soldier. Believe it else you are dead. I can write a lot more if I continue to describe him. So let’s get into the stories soon. I will tell two of them now.

Story number 1:

It was a weekend. As many of you knows, we techies sleep only in weekends. But here he comes our villain. We will be sleeping like sloths covering top to bottom with the bedsheets which we wash once in a year. He will come early morning and attack the room. Then he will kick your butts and you will loose connections of your dreams. You will get angry enough to kill him with NK 47. But you can’t. So what you do is show up your damn face with a gentle smile and say as a Corus – “good morning uncle”. Unfortunately we had to say this every weekend mornings. One day he come as usual and woke us up. I was about lip-lip of an unknown girl of my dreams. Lost it!!!

He started story telling. Our door opens to the terrace. He took us there and asked ‘what you see there my dear boys?’. I tried to raise my head and looked at where he pointed his finger. I opened my sleepy reddish eyes widely. Nothing I saw there. There was big ground which looks like it was an old paddy field at its young time. Also there were few cows searching for fresh grass and birds flying as if they don’t have any work at all. I thought to tell him these but controlled remembering the Pakistani gun. I smiled and asked ‘what’s there uncle?’. He was pointing the long and higher wall that separates the field from a college ground. And he said its not simple wall but china border. What to do, admit whatever it is. Then he said a story. He was serving our country as a junior soldier that time. His posting was near to a forest at China border. In his words Chinese soldiers are very good people. Because they use their guns only to shoot birds and sometimes just to show they are alive when they get real bored. Wow, that’s great. But one day they showed the real face. One day suddenly they crawled into Indian border without any invitation. Then started firing at our camps. It was early morning and uncle was sleeping. My mind voice said ‘even we were sleeping man, now you are our Chinese soldier’. So uncle’s team got alerted and fired back. But Indians were not prepared and so struggled a lot. Uncle said he was hiding in an underground trench which was covered by leaves and white sacks. Suddenly there were some movements above the trench. Some noises as if someone is crawling above the trench. Uncle shot at where the sound came from. It was not the enemy but a big snake danger enough to kill a man. The dead snake fell into the trench and uncle threw it out with bare hands. We tried to believe. This is all fine, but what he said next was horrible. Chinese soldiers got scared and few of them ran back. Uncle and his friend were standing behind a big tree and the real enemy entered a big white snow bear. It came running towards them. Uncle’s friend ran for his life (he wantedly said that that guy was a keralite, now this is a small gun shot on our head. Anyways we had to believe.). So now uncle is face to face with the bear. You can remember the Leonardo DiCaprio’s fight with bear in “The revenant” movie ( DiCaprio, forgive me). Uncle was confused what to do. Suddenly he remembered his grandma’s words which she told when he was a kid. She said ‘if a bear attacks you, then lay down like dead and the bear will go away ‘. Uncle said he did the same. Surprisingly bear didn’t say a single word and ran back. We all forgot our sleep and stood shocked by his story. Now fortunately aunty called him. Uncle was scared at aunty more than the bear, so he had to go. We were damn hungry and left for breakfast too.

NOTE: I doubt that he might have told any of his stories to the bear also. That’s why it ran for its life.

Story number 2:

It was in the end of 2012 when Chennai had to face a bad storm and many fishermen in ‘Mahabalipuram’ died. That day offices were closed early noon and we headed home. Whole day it stormed badly and we sat in the room shutting down all windows and doors. Still the wind penetrated and peeped through every possible hole with a horrible whistle sound. And somehow it got darkened and the storm became weak. I heard someone knocking the door. When I removed the door bolts the wind opened it for me forcefully. And there he stands, the man who is terrific than the storm – uncle. But his following words made us happy. The thing is aunty prepared dinner for us, because she knows that we are in trouble as there was no power. So uncle came to invite us for dinner. I felt really happy and thought to kiss on his cheeks. After an hour we went to the 2nd floor and had spicy delicious Andhra food. Then we all came out and sat on the sofas. This is an open place where the wind got all freedom to fly around. So we enjoyed the breeze and waited for uncle. Normal time itself he will kill with stories. That too today we ate his food!!! So he has all rites to kill us all. So we sat silently checking our battery dying mobiles. After few minutes he entered into the verandah. Aunty also came and wrinkled her eye at us. It is a help note saying – “if you want to be alive, then run to your rooms”. But we didn’t have that lucky choice. Today is his day.

He slowly started. It happened when he was posted in Kerala. I guess Kollam district. He was working as a senior officer. There was a guy who sells fish in the army headquarters. One day aunty complained him about the quality of fish. I looked at aunty and she nodded her head. Okay, so till now story is real. So what happened is this fishermen scolded aunty very badly in Malayalam. She didn’t understand a single word but got to know that she is insulted by him. So when our hero came home aunty told him about this incident. Uncle got angry top to bottom and took the gun in hand. But aunty consoled him and said we will handle this next morning as its too late now. Uncle agreed.

Next morning he went to the camp and told his regiment soldiers. But they tried to stop him from dealing with local people. They said they are very dangerous. But nothing could stop uncle. He took an open jeep with 4 soldiers carrying gun. And he drove it into the market. The jeep stooped with a sudden break and all people got scared. He found the fisherman and warned him very badly in mixed Hindi + Malayalam + Tamil + Telugu + English. He got scared and begged pardon in front of the whole world. Later aunty used to get very fresh fish everyday. Uncle said sometimes the fishes were double alive and tried to jump out from the vessel, they speaks too!!!

NOTE: The Andhra meals was not even started digesting. So as always we had to believe this story also. Clapped our hands and somehow said ‘goodnight’ and ran into our caves.

Will say more stories later…

A little love and madness


This is the time to say goodbye
If we are not late for it yet.
Let’s forget the past
For the eras fallen by and gonna be.
This evening, sitting under the reddish sky
I dove into my loneliness thoughts.
There came a monsoon followed by the summer,
Also we’ve seen the death of a spring.
You never knew me all these years,
As a mist or as a rain besides you.
I waited all the time on your ways,
But you never came near or said a word.
Its time to end the fall of time,
And its the time to say bye and pick our roads.
Let the seasons bloom, form the fruits and fall
Along with the untold love we had each other.

There is happiness in darkness too

It happened to write about this during one of my train journeys. I work in chennai and so live in chennai. And I visit my native once in 2 months if I am lucky enough to get leaves. So I usually depends on train to travel. Most probably I will be reaching central station couple of hours earlier to assure my seats in genaral compartments. Once I won the war for seat, the next question is “how to kill your time?”.

Yeh, there is almost 4 hours left for the train to start. So what I do is I take a left, then right and straight from the central station. This road leads you to MORE market. I trully don’t know why people named it MORE. May be because there you get some categorised items in any price. Mostly books, electronic equipments, old coins or other kinda instruments section..the list goes on. I will go and pick a book or two, then few old coins may be after a long negotiation. Now you have to walk straight till the other end where you see the market entrance. There is a tea shop, running by keralites. Now I go there and get a tea and cigar. Everytime when I am done till the hip of my cigar, they will come. They means “It just them”, because I just don’t know their names. The reason why they got my attention is they are a gang of 6-7 people and all blind. I know that it might not be a surprise to you guys, and it was not to me either. Last 4 and half years I am seeing them at same place at same time whenever I go to central station. First 2 times I didn’t observe them. Then later they got my attention.

That day I was so tensed about something which I don’t remember right now. As usual I went and started with my tea and cigar, and there they comes. Just to concentrate on something and to escape from my thoughts I listened to them, their activities. I have never seen such happy people in blind. From the interaction between them and the shop owner it was clear that it is their regular visit. I was pretty sure that they are not any beggars gang, they wear local dress and poor look but ofcourse they are employed. May be coming back from a factory after their shift time. I used to try to stand next to them without disturbing them with my cigar smell, so that I can hear what they speak. There were ladies and gents in the gang. And surprisingly they talked about many topics always, as if they can see all around. They talk about politics, movies, corruption… They crack jokes on each other while enjoying their tea. Sometimes I used to get a second cigar so that I can stay long and listen to them. And they can also count the money and pay the shop owner the exact amount. I was wondered at all their activities. Once i tried to close my eyes to see what they see. It was horrible, I couldn’t even think of such a world. A world with no lights, no colors and moreover not knowing the faces of people whom we love. I never tried that again. And there was a couple in that group, both blind for sure. They seem very happy always. To say frankly they are the best couple I have ever seen. 6 months back I saw them at the tea shop when I was heading home. And I observed that the couple were too happy and waiting to be blessed with a child. I felt happy for them. Next two times I couldn’t see them as my train schedule was different. But I prayed that atleast that child should get vision, he/she should see what we see and feel.

Then this month again I was planned with my regular train. I just went to the market and lip up a cigar and sipped my tea. Few minutes later they have arrived. The husband was there in the gang and his face was pleasant as always. I said to myself Ýeh, they got a normal baby who can see’. They came and ordered their tea and I tried to catch their words as carefully as never before. The shop guy was asking the husband about his wifes delivery, I sharpened my ears. Then I heard what I wished not to. They are blessed with a girl baby but she will also see only what they see – the darkness. I was shocked but surprised that the husband was not worrying about it. As if he didn’t wished anything better. He was happy for what he got. First I couldn’t digest with that but later I did. This world is a little space where we cant wish for better or worse. All we have to do is be happy with what we got. I was smiling and uttering these words while walking back to the station – there is happiness in darkness too


This is a remembrance of an old friend. A friend who is no more exists…

His name was Appu. No, it was not. We called him Appu. At some year of my schooling i met him. Yeh i remember now. One weekend a friend of mine came home and took me out. I asked him – ‘where are we heading to?’. His reply was good enough to surprise me in that age. He answered with a question – ‘have you ever seen a movie not in theatre or in T.V? If not, then you are gonna see today..!’. That time we were not having T.V everywhere. Only one T.V was there in our locality and that used to be a mini-theatre in weekends. Our shows were on Sunday. If you are of my age then may be you can guess. Ofcourse it was 12.00 PM(Sakthiman) and 4.00 PM(movie). And going theatre will happen very rarely. That’s why his answer surprised me. I decided to go with him. We walked towards the paddy fields and after crossing it there was canal road to pass. Whenever the dam opens it gets filled with water which flows like a storm. Once i saw a dead cow flowing, and crows sitting on it like a ship and eating its flesh.
After passing the canal road there was a tiny road with less light. The light was hidden by small and big trees which stands with heads bended into the road. Actually i am bit familiar with this area. Still i don’t know which is our destination. Ohh..we reached. Let me describe this. This looks like an old house which is not repaired since years. There was a very aged grandma sitting on the verandah. She smiled with her widely opened mouth proving that teeth’s are gone like flowers in winter. But her face was so kind and happy. We smiled back and enter into the house. My friend took me inside a room which is of half light and darkness. It was so beautiful to see how the darkness hugs the light and she comes out. It goes on. I simply observed the room. It was a shady room were books thrown at one side and a bag hanged on the wall. I couldn’t figure out what are the photos on the wall. Seems like old black & white photographs. My friends voice woke me from my thoughts – ‘this is Appu, he is gonna run the movie now.’ Ohh, now only I am seeing them. There was 2 boys there. As my friend said the elder one is Appu, and there was also a very small kid sitting on the floor. It was his younger brother. I got laughed seeing how eagerly he was waiting for the movie to start. Exactly like in a theatre. I smiled at him. He smiled back doubtfully and his expressions told me – ‘because of you only its delaying. Now find a place in floor and make yourself a seat. Lets watch the movie’.
I read his mind and sat. There was a white dhoti hanged spreaded on the wall. Years later i came to know that it was the first projector screen i saw in my life. And there was light coming to the screen through a hole from the opposite wall. I ran to the wall and peeped through the hole. My guess was right, the light is from a mirror kept outside. Between the light and screen there was a fused bulb hanging like Archimedes sword which was filled with water or something. Appu reeled the films one by one behind the bulb and I watched my first silent movie in that dark room. The movie got over in 5 minutes and his younger brother clapped like anything.
That’s how me and Appu become friends. We used to play together with other friends. A gang of 4, me, Appu, Vipi and Pratheesh. My grandma was having few cows in home. After school I used to take them field for feeding. So that time our games starts. Cricket, football..sometimes we used to catch scorpion from the field. Sometime fishing and we used to lay on the ground from 4 corners with heads in the centre. Used to see the sky and talked whatever we wished to. Years flew like hell and I came back to my dad’s home for college. Still monthly i used to go and visit them all.

It was a Sunday evening i got a call from Pratheesh – ‘Appu is gone..he wont be with us from now on’. I didn’t heard rest of his words. I sat on a sofa nearby and cried. I couldn’t believe that he died. An unfortunate bike accident. I didn’t had the strength to see his body. So i didn’t go. After a week i went to his home.
His grandma was sitting on the same place were i met her years back. She is so aged, couldn’t even move from her place. She opened her eyes half and I doubted whether she recognized me or not. But one thing was sure, she was crying without any sound. I walked into the sit out area. His mom was sitting there. She came running to me and hugged, then cried. I didn’t say anything. Even a single word. She was trying to remember all small or bigger memories of her son and describing to me. I had no idea how to react or console her. I just kept my hands on her hands and cried. That only i could do. She was a very poor woman who always work for her child’s. I sat for an hour there and left. After that I used to go there whenever I visit my mom’s home. And I used to go and see his mother, we talked silently always. Later, like every others i forgot that mom also. As i remember i had not seen her in last 2 years. Sucked with my scheduled life…

There is one reason why i remembered all these today. Few days back I saw a dream. In the dream i was sitting near to a pond at midnight and making some conversations with my friends. After sometime i started back to home. It was a very dark night with no stars or moon. Suddenly I felt like someone is following me. I turned back to see. I saw Appu running towards me with a very scary face. I was shocked and stunned. I got scared and ran. After sometime i turned back and no one was there. When i woke up from the dream i was sweating like hell. I don’t know why such a dream! I used to dream our olden good days. But this is strange..!
Anyways next month when i go home, i will go and see his mom…